What's a parent's greatest gift?

I have this beautiful man in Colorado. He is such an inspiration to me because today he is living his dream. He is a full time referee, on the field doing what he loves and traveling the states. The inspirational part to me is that he was an achiever, working the stress of corporate sales during the day and in a loveless marriage for 18 years because he didn't want to hurt his daughter. Like she wasn't already hurt by their relationship.

Kids are such a gift because they are so close to god. Their intuition is still intact and they pick up everything. They know the truth but we try to protect them by lying to them - which only makes them question and doubt their own knowing.

My beautiful man relayed this in an email: "doesn't work, the kids know, my daughter knew and expressed her knowledge when it became fact, that is, after I left she wasn't surprised . . . I actually regret not leaving earlier, it would have saved me a lot of angst, my concern for my daughter was misplaced, at least based on what she said."

What makes him an inspiration is his courage to walk through his deepest fears.

He thought he would lose the love of his wife and daughter. Truth was, his wife was relieved that he finally faced the truth. She had been anxiously expecting "the talk" for years and it was no surprise to his daughter, either. Instead of losing love it opened a space of truth and his connection to his daughter became better than ever. Today their dialogue is open and honest and he lights up as he gushes about her accomplishments in college.

Another amazing man from London was approached by his kids and asked why he didn't leave - and take them with him. They begged for him to leave her, which he finally did when the kids left the house. He was so battered about by then that he spent two years searching for himself and is now fully engaged in helping men step back into their manhood. He is fulfilling his dream.

Seems like we all have our darkness - where our worst fears are hidden - but when we finally shine the light on them and confront them - they vaporize like mist. Problem is, it takes so much courage to face my fears, I could have spent my whole life running from them not knowing that freedom and truth were just a millisecond away on the other side.

I was watching a program about a woman that was in a heterosexual marriage for 20 - something years. Somewhere along the way she realized she was gay. She and her husband worked to keep it together "for the kids" but finally surrendered. The kids were angry at first for not having their family intact until one day one of the daughters looked at her mother and realized that the lines in her face were no longer from stress but from smiling. In that moment, she forgave her mother. All she ever wanted was for her mother to be happy.

Could it be that the greatest gift we can give our kids is showing them how to be happy? Isn't it funny that as parents our greatest hope is for our kids to be happy and that their greatest hope is for us to be?

Running from Daddy

I hate father's day. I hate ties, I hate socks, I hate semi-automatic weapons. I hate rar rar rar or the tool guy or mowing the lawn. I hate that there was never anyone to protect me...from my own dad. I hate that there was never anyone to lean on.

Men think it's so cool to have a daughter that can take care of herself. A daughter that is tough, that can handle her own, that makes big money. A man likes a daughter that he doesn't have to "worry about" - but that's not the woman that he wants as a wife. A man needs a woman that needs him. That looks up to him. That adores him.

The marriages that last are the ones where BOTH people think they are marrying up.

I never had a dad that took care of me so I grew that muscle on my own. I learned that vulnerability was weakness. I work on cars, I can get things done, I do projects around the house, I protect the people around me. I can play that man role.

It also means that if I am the man then there is no room for a man in my life. It means that at 46, I have been divorced three times. My first relationships were power struggles. Then I emasculated the last one. He didn't feel needed so he found someone that made him feel needed.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the amazing life that I have had. I'm just grumpy on father's day.