An Achilles’ heel is a fatal weakness in spite of overall strength, actually or potentially leading to downfall. - Wikipedia
I turned on the Oprah show this week to see this reverend guy talking about hooking up with men. Then I saw the Chicago legislator that tried to sell Obama's seat. Here are these amazing men, that have done so much good in the world, that have gotten their 15 minutes of fame, not for their accomplishments but, because of their failures.
In program there is a saying 'you are only as sick as your secrets'. When we work our steps we uncover these secrets, we say them out loud, we do our fourth steps around them. Like children afraid of the monsters in the shadows at night, we turn on the light and realize that the hideous monster in the corner is just the cat sleeping on our laundry. Nothing scary and hideous, nothing to be ashamed of. We aren't perfect, but we are very human.
This acceptance, of every part of us, is what heals us in program.
When I first got into program I couldn't accept the life I was living and was ashamed of how low I'd gotten. I had made my drug addict boyfriend my higher power, expecting him to take care of me when he couldn't even take care of himself. When he failed me, I was devastated. Lost and alone after he'd chased off all my friends and isolated me from the world. Not knowing how to live in the light, I hid my true life and feelings from everyone else, further isolating myself, because I couldn't accept your judgment and criticism. My ego kept me in prison.
When I came to program, I expected you to be like the critical and un-pleasable family I grew up in. I expected you to find my Achilles heel and use it against me. Instead, I showed you my weakness and you laughed. I told you my story and you had compassion. I showed you my deep dark secrets and you loved me. You loved the parts of me that I couldn't love myself and slowly I came to see those parts in the light. Without the shame and judgment I could see my defects as coping mechanisms that got me through this life up until now.
Your love healed me.
No longer do we need to sneak around, waiting for our secrets to be exposed. No longer do we hide ourselves from those around us. The other shoe can drop and we'll be ok. That wound has been healed. Healed by love.
